My adventures with money continue, and I’ve been experiencing interesting things, both in meditation and in daily life, that are shining light on my dysfunctional relationship to money and how to go about healing it. My overall strategy looks a little something like this:

  1. I’m reading books on the psychology of wealth and the Law of Attraction as it relates to money.
  2. I’ve been doing a lot of meditating, asking my Guides for insights that will challenge me to grow in this area.
  3. I do a lot of journalling about anything that comes up, like collecting pieces of a puzzle that I’m confident will make more sense as time goes on.

There are two things in particular that I want to share today: insights that came while watching an episode of Downton Abbey and the shift that then occurred in my meditations.

For those of you not familiar with the show, here’s a bit of context: I was watching an episode in season three in which one of the characters, Tom, is grappling with his own prejudices and changing attitudes toward the upper class and wealth.

Tom was formerly a chauffeur at Downton who was very politically active and ardently against the wealthy living high on the hog at the expense of the poor. He falls in love with and eventually marries the family’s youngest daughter, after a long, hard journey, he has now been accepted into the family and is reevaluating his beliefs both politically and personally.

The episode introduced a character, a schoolteacher from the village who, in essence, is a picture of Tom’s former self–politically active, views the wealthy as lazy and entitled–and in his relationship with her, he is being confronted with his former beliefs and questioning their validity.

There are a handful of scenes in the episode where Tom, in response to the young woman’s arguments, defends the family, saying that, in fact, running the estate takes quite a bit of work–it’s not all lounging around sipping tea–and it provides a livelihood for many people. He also defends the family, asserting that they are good, loving people.

This really resonated with me, and I actually paused the episode to witness all of the thoughts battling it out in my mind. I realized how I, too, carried around these beliefs that all wealthy people are corrupt, that they must have done something evil and manipulative to get to where they are now, that they just laze around and let everyone underneath them do all the work, etc.

And I saw how, particularly when politics were a huge part of my life, I would search for examples of this type of wealthy person (and to be sure, they do exist!) to confirm my beliefs about money. And, not surprising, I didn’t want to be anything like these people, which meant I couldn’t see myself as having any more money than just what I needed to get by. If I made more, somehow I would be corrupted.

Much of this was occurring below the level of consciousness, but it was having an extremely powerful effect on my finances. If I did something to earn a nice windfall, I’d find a way to get rid of it as quickly as possible, before it had a chance to corrupt me, all the while bitching and moaning about my constant state of broke-itude.

In my meditations, my Downton realization was paralleled by a change in imagery. At first, when I did a meditation seeking advice on how to heal my relationship to money, my Guide took me to a small cottage where I met my future self. My Guide and Future Me gave me insights on the changes I need to make right now to lay the foundation for future success.

What’s interesting is that the next time I did this meditation, to check in on my progress and to ask what my next task was, my Guide didn’t take me to a little cottage in the woods; he led me to an imposing castle at the edge of the forest. It had a friggin’ moat, for heaven’s sake!

When we entered, it became a more modest home, not a castle, but it was still far, far bigger than the tiny cottage, and it had much richer amenities, from a state-of-the-art kitchen to the side building where my reiki and tarot practice was situated.

Being in this home, and realizing that it was my home, brought up very intense feelings of worthiness and fears about the work involved in order to make something like this a reality. But the more my Guide showed me around the house, the more I felt my heart opening wider and wider, allowing more desire and excitement to pour in. I want this! This is what I want! I could feel my spirit shouting these things with joy.

Being in the presence of my Guide helped me create a container for these desires, allowing me to experience them fully for the first time without judging myself as superficial or money grubbing. And this, I truly believe, is the first step in manifesting these desires. I’m so very excited to continue on this journey, and I hope you’ll join me as I share what unfolds next.